unfortunate event

exactly five weeks ago, i lost something precious to me

something that we hv been waiting for to make our life become more content

on 10th june, after coming back from jimba2 with anne, k chik, fatin n sha-sha, i found this

alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Allah yang memberi rahmat. no other words can describe my feeling

things went quite well after that. i hv been following a few of new moms blogs, learn a few things here and there. excited? totally! scared? a lil bit. i went to 3 different clinics, priv8 and govt just to make sure that everything ok with me and the one that i carried

first image of my feutes. 7 weeks. 

end of july, when i'm about 11 weeks, i had some bleeding. no, the doctors called it spotting coz it was only a few spots of blood.

i went to a priv8 clinic and a govt hosp just to make sure it's true. becoz i dont want to believe that it's true. but yes, it is true. i lost the baby. the one that i carried in my womb for nearly 3 months. they called it missed miscarriage.

it took weeks for me to recover. physically i'm ok. emotionally? only Allah knows. i still cry when i'm alone and thinking about the baby that so nearly mine but just not destiny to be mine, yet

i'm praying to Allah, to grant me great health, happy and prosperous life, successful career and many many many little ones someday, insyaAllah, AMEN

netbook

this is why i'm so interested in blogging

or should i say 'must interested in blogging'

or else i dont have a strong reason why i should have a new netbook

netbook? net+book? as in netball = net+ball

i dont see any net there

see. i already post 2 entries in a row just to show how much i'm interested in blogging

ya ya ya.

i was never a fan of acer

my first lappy was ecs brand. no one knew that brand

why ecs? bcoz it's the cheapest at that time

and i used laptop only for typing assignments, watching cd's while in college

then i switch to HP after the ecs is no good for me

habis madu sepah dibuang

then another HP. cilok from my eldest bro

and now acer. why acer?

murah. senang nak baiki. byk sparepart.

and also bcoz i loath HP

mahal. susah nak baiki. sparepart hanya di kl.

end of story

chances

as a writer, i'm a newbie to this blogging thingy

as a reader, i'm an o-tai already

i hv been following a few of my frens blogs for ages

and i also love to read stuffs by someone i never knew

sometimes i feel like i know that person just by reading their blogs

it can says a thousands words

i start blogging with something 'safe' - a poem

i used to think that blogging is soooo not me

why? bcoz it is so 'exposing'

it's like u r sharing ur private life with the whole world

and no. i'm not a reserved person

i'm loud. and by saying that, i mean really LOUD

however, i realized. blogging is not only when u want to share with others

importantly, it is the way u want to express urself

and i dedicate this blog to myself

the place that i can always turn to when i'm mad, sad, furious, lonely

or simply bcoz i want to SHARE

i'm giving a chance to myself